OK so today I learned a new concept: BTD, Bal Tshuvah Disease, boy am I a victim of that disease!!!!
I had this long conversation with another victim today, it started off talking about things she couldn't talk to her parents about, and then we figured it also had to do with BTD,
So this is how it goes, my parents are BT's which in itself is an amazing thing, but, & here comes the big but, they each have their own lives, families and secrets they left behind… now if they , and I'm talking about most BT's, would gradually become frum /religious and not avoid their past, for example: not going to visit non religious family, or coloring with a marker on not tznies/modest old photographs (this was b4 Photoshop age) or what me and my friend today called the worst symptom of BTD: the SECRETS oh God, those dam secrets !!!
I had this long conversation with another victim today, it started off talking about things she couldn't talk to her parents about, and then we figured it also had to do with BTD,
So this is how it goes, my parents are BT's which in itself is an amazing thing, but, & here comes the big but, they each have their own lives, families and secrets they left behind… now if they , and I'm talking about most BT's, would gradually become frum /religious and not avoid their past, for example: not going to visit non religious family, or coloring with a marker on not tznies/modest old photographs (this was b4 Photoshop age) or what me and my friend today called the worst symptom of BTD: the SECRETS oh God, those dam secrets !!!
There is one thing that has to be clear to BT's who want to be cured from their disease, the fact that you simply can't erase your past, it's a fact!!!! And the more you try to cover it, forget it, erase it, the more you get deeper into it and cause the close people around you to suffer from emotional instability…
Every human being needs to know where he comes from, the family history etc. no matter how unaccepted the facts are, it is much harder to deal with the big question marks.
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Another symptom of BTD is the over protection they have for their children's Judaism/religion, they can't see their children doing anything they used to do when they weren't religious, even if it's nothing wrong, like shaving your legs, putting on makeup, listening to shlock rock (I used to listen to rock when my parents weren’t home) etc. from my own experience and from what I hear from others, the more parents didn't let their children do things obsessively, that's exactly what the kids are doing today, to help you understand, there was a congregation of BT's who all used to shave the boy's heads very very short & leave very very long & thick peot/peyes, many of those children who are grown now, grew their hair very long…
Every human being needs to know where he comes from, the family history etc. no matter how unaccepted the facts are, it is much harder to deal with the big question marks.
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Another symptom of BTD is the over protection they have for their children's Judaism/religion, they can't see their children doing anything they used to do when they weren't religious, even if it's nothing wrong, like shaving your legs, putting on makeup, listening to shlock rock (I used to listen to rock when my parents weren’t home) etc. from my own experience and from what I hear from others, the more parents didn't let their children do things obsessively, that's exactly what the kids are doing today, to help you understand, there was a congregation of BT's who all used to shave the boy's heads very very short & leave very very long & thick peot/peyes, many of those children who are grown now, grew their hair very long…
6 comments:
Dear Rose,
Wow, what an amazing concept... I find that more and more wherever i go, people who are BT cannot comprehend the FFB concept! There is no easy way out... I grew up beyond FFB, ultra orthodox chasidic and the same underlying issues are there. However, instead of shame at the past, it is more of superb prevention for no reason!
Its a lot to chew over, I really enjoyed it... great concept and so enjoyable to read!
xoxo
jd
Dear JD
Glad you enjoyer reading,
Funny, I got the same response from someone else, to my email, saying how the same things happen in “conventional” religious homes… if you could call FFB conventional,
I guess there IS no way out…
My conclusion is to try and stop it, so that the next generation doesn’t get trapped in the same situation for whatever the reason may be.
Love u 2
BR
Interesting post. I find it tragic that Judaism in the Exile turned from the national concept of a holy nation whose purpose is to worship G-d, into an insular religious community with no national concept, just a communal loyalty but that's it.
It's interesting that the Tanakh does not refer to the Jewish people as a religious group EVER.
The Jewish people are only described in national terms. It is probably for this reason that so few Jews today learn Tanakh. Because the Tanakh is full of the national concept of the Jewish people that is unfortunately so foreign today to so many Jews.
The running away from one's past is a symptom of the problem of Jews veiwing themselves ONLY as a religion and not as a nation.
Perhaps there is a reason why so many Jews dress in the style of dress of the 16th century is because the real problem is not running away from the past, it is running away from the present.
The inability to deal with the world around them in a healthy way.
Perhaps one of the reasons that Judaism has had so minimal an effect on the general Israeli culture is because many Jews do not view themselves as part of the nation in which they live. Therefore just like the practice of Judaism in Poland and Russia had no effect whatsoever on the Russian or Polish culture, the Judaism practiced in Israel has little effect on the Israeli culture. Perhaps it is because we view ourselves a small religous sect living as foreigners in Israel in much same way we did in Poland, rather than how we should view ourselves as part of the Jewish nation with a national purpose.
How can we show people the right way to connect with their Jewishness, if we have not even come to terms with it ourselves?
Bugler,
I like your way of thinking, totally agree…
I think the reason for the inability of many religious people to deal with the world around them in a healthy way is because they are always kept as far as possible from "the world around" so they won't get influenced by their strayed ways…
Most Jews in Israel DO relate to their Jewishness, Not necessarily threw religion, what you probably know about Israel is threw the news etc. but the regular person on the street is connected in some way or another.
Of course the situation is far from the desired, we have a lot to work on.
I find that it is a vicious cycle. the ffb's have a superior attitude towards everyone else, and the bt's have a denial that feed's off that superiority. it's all messed up.
yes Laila, it IS messed up... big time!!!
I think you are doing great!!! anyway are your parents bt's?
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